Disclaimer: The following is based on a true-story. To protect the identities of those involved, only first names are shown.
Once upon a time, there was a girl who, against the wishes of her friends, decided to embark on a magical journey through the mystical world of Tinder. Little did she know, a swipe in the right direction could lead her to finding her true Prince Charming.
Tinderella, as her friends called her, made every attempt to not judge each match* by his appearance and rather welcomed potential 13-17 year-old suitors within a 100-mile radius with the chance they deserved to win her over. For over a week, her heart would vibrate with each resounding hum from her back pocket, knowing that she was one step closer to her prince.
Witty boys desperate to stand out among the sea of matches would employ rather unique one-liners in hopes of inspiring a response. Every new message came with new opportunity to divulge personal information, share intimate moments, and ultimately open Tinderella’s heart to the cultured boys of the Bay Area.
Throughout the week, Tinderella devoted her open-mind to various shapes, sizes, colors, and proposals from a myriad of males.
(Click to sample through some of the milder yet still endearing messages)
Among the messages, Tinderella received several completely appropriate pictures from various individuals who seemed to expect something in return. Tinderella gave them nothing in return, as those boys were tugging at something other than the strings of her heart.
To test the true intentions of her lovers, she created a fake proposition inviting them to homecoming, resulting in the quick elimination of 75 potential suitors who all too easily said yes. After all, Tinderella had experienced trust issues in the past with her evil (not) step-siblings, and who in their right mind would agree to go to homecoming with a girl 50 miles away?
By weeding out the questionable boys from her extensive list of matches, Tinderella was left with a solid group of men to choose from.
However, not soon after the hoco situation, Tinderella’s evil (not) step-mom interrupted her otherwise successful voyage to find true love by discovering her in the process of narrowing down her selection of boyz to men.
“[Tinderella]!” her mother exclaimed. “Get off that application right now! You’re only 16! Are you crazy?!”
“If the shoe fits,” Tinderella replied, with a sly grin and an all-too innocent look on her face.
“If the shoe fits.”
2 weeks later…
Tinderella deleted Tinder.
*A match occurs when two Tinder users both swipe right upon seeing the other’s profile, signifying mutual interest.